This is a very, very bad time to be railing about how people are not doing enough. How their vote isn’t enough. How speaking up isn’t enough. How nothing is going to fix anything unless we burn the world down and build it back up from the ashes.
That’s not realistic. It’s not feasible. It burns people out. People who fight in the tiny ways available to them. People who do their damnedest to keep other people around them uplifted and supported. It makes people shut down and stop paying attention because the guilt is overwhelming, your mental health starts crumbling, and you know that nothing you do is enough.
The fight to make things better has to happen on many levels, big and small, and constantly telling people that they are not doing enough is going to do us more harm than good.
Work together. Acknowledge even the small acts of fighting back and resistance. Stop making complicated issues black and white. And for the love of everyone on the planet, let go of the idea of achieving moral purity and work within the realities of the system we have now.
It starts small and we have a long way to go.
Tag: important things
The thing about knitting is it’s much harder to fear the existential futility of all your actions while you’re doing it.
Like ok, sure, sometimes it’s hard to believe you’ve made any positive impact on the world. But it’s pretty easy to believe you’ve made a sock. Look at it. There it is. Put it on, now your foot’s warm.
Checkmate, nihilism.
I know I just reblogged this, but I thought about something to add: This is true of so many things. Everything we do that’s creative at all is a stand against entropy. . You probably can’t fix the world, but you might be able to mend a sweater, or fix a broken toy, or hell, make your bed. And any creative action is a spark of light against the void. it doesn’t have to be the best thing ever, it can be a doodle on the side of a receipt, it can be a cup of tea – but it’s something done, something made, something fixed. Nothing else in the world may be better form the tiny thing you’ve done, but the tiny thing still exists. There’s a tiny spiral or a little turtle on a receipt. There’s a pair of pants that button. There’s a warm cup of tea to drink, there’s a sock and a warm foot. Our existence is these tiny moments, strung together against the dark of night.
Make something.
When I was in grad school, I took up baking cookies as a way to make friends in the department really quick. A professor told me that during HER PhD she had also taken up baking as a way of keeping sane. A dissertation takes forever to write, you can sit at the computer for hours with no result, and it’s painful to think about. Baking, however! In a few hours you have actual material results. You can touch it, smell it, eat it. Nom.
This is a huge part of why I love weight training AND housecleaning. Quantifiable work, visible result.
Everything creative is a stand against entropy. Every creative action is a spark of light against the void.
Something to remember, as the election approaches:
The work is never wasted.
Even if the Republicans keep control of Congress–yes, that would be terrible, yes, I would be furious and frustrated and sad and it would hurt like hell–EVEN SO: the work we have done to get here was not wasted.
I was part of the previous “biggest worldwide protest ever,” the global protests against the Iraq War in February 2003.
We lost. The war happened. Is still happening.
But some of the people who got involved then worked for Obama’s campaigns, a lot of them are part of the resistance now, and all of us learned something. The work was not wasted.
Even if we lose. There were Democratic primary debates in my hometown for the first time I can remember. Even if our terrible Republican Congresswoman gets re-elected, there’s still a broader and stronger Democratic Party organization in Mike Fucking Pence’s home state.
The election can’t be an end. It will only be an end if we win and get complacent, or if we lose and give in to hopelessness. We cannot afford either. We do the job that is in front of us. No matter what.
The work is never wasted.
How did you cultivate your skepticism? I think of myself as fairly intelligent and yet I’m also exceedingly gullible when it comes to things I know nothing about. How did you train yourself to question instead of accepting what even a seemingly reliable/trustworthy source says?
I started and re-started my answer to this ask half a dozen times. Because it’s a really, really important question, but it’s also a hard question to answer in a useful way. I’m going to do my best.
Nothing is as important as what you believe is true. If I can control what you think, I can control every decision you make. I can control what products you buy, who you vote for, which of your friends you trust—and which of them you distrust; I can choose which social causes you apply yourself to, and how effectively you champion them; to a very great extent I can even decide what you’ll major in in college, who you’ll marry, IF you’ll marry, if you’ll STAY married if the marriage goes bad, what job you’ll go for, how well you’ll do in that job, how you spend your leisure hours, how you treat your children, how you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror, what you’ll eat for dinner, and if you’ll respect yourself in the morning.
EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE is based on what information you’ve accepted. So if I can make you believe what I want you to believe, I own you.
And make no mistake: my best interests are NEVER the same as your best interests. The most you can hope for from ANY source is that their interests and your interests align. If I’m a company, then it’s in my best interest if you buy my product. I am only interested in the quality and safety of my product to the extent that you will not buy it if it’s garbage, or too dangerous. If I’m a newspaper, believe me, my goal is not to make you a more informed citizen of the world. My goal is to sell newspapers.
However, it may be that my reputation is an important part of reaching my goals: and if I feed you misinformation, my reputation may be damaged. And so a degree of trust may be invested in sufficiently reputable sources, since their goal (“to maintain a high reputation”) and your goal (“to learn something”) are aligned. Be VERY CAREFUL when bestowing this kind of trust on a source, and NEVER let them act as your ONLY source. You can never know for sure how important that reputation really is to them, or for what ends they may be willing to compromise it.
“But this information is from a random Tumblr post, not a news corporation, or a professional blog. Nobody’s making money, here. So why would they lie to me?” Attention? Attention’s a big one. Those posts you see going around, full of SHOCKING CLAIMS, usually have tens of thousands of notes. Tens of thousands of people shocked – shocked! – to learn that feeding bread to ducks makes them sick, or that Charlie Chaplin was a Nazi, or that bleach mixed with baking soda can eat through concrete. It doesn’t matter that none of those things are true. It doesn’t even matter if the OP, or all of the people reblogging it, BELIEVE that they’re true. What matters is that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE had in their own interest something that was more important to them than “make sure the things I’m reblogging are accurate.”
Maybe they wanted the prestige of being the first to bring interesting new information to their social group. Maybe they were alarmed by what they read, and they wanted to keep their friends and loved ones safe. Maybe what they read reinforced some bias that they had, and so they disseminated it because they wanted it to be true. Maybe having this surprising intel on their blog made them feel more intelligent, or more socially conscious. There are lots of reasons, because there are lots of people, and every single one of those people had their own best interests.
And none of those interests are yours.
So because what you believe is SO important, and because you are the sole guardian of your own best interests, I think it’s downright reckless to accept any piece of information as fact without asking two questions first:
– Who is telling me this? Do I have reason to trust them? Should I trust them SO MUCH as to let them be the sole arbiter of what I believe on this subject?
– Who benefits if I accept it as the truth? THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. A lot of information masquerades as being in the interests of one thing when really it’s in the interests of something else. Really think about it.
When you choose to believe someone – anyone – about anything, you are giving them power over you. And skepticism is the only thing that protects you from giving that power to people who don’t deserve it.
When you choose to believe someone – anyone – about anything, you are giving them power over you. And skepticism is the only thing that protects you from giving that power to people who don’t deserve it.
And this is why we research outside of tumblr before reblogging posts that claim something as fact, and why we research by looking at more than one source.
This post and many other well-intentioned posts like it will encourage people to fact-check/research for themselves, but I don’t often see additional information on how to do that.
Here’s what I do, a quick and dirty method to filter truth from falsehoods when I see a post/article whose premise I question.
1) Check the original post’s sources, if any are provided. If they go to a reputable source, that’s a good indication of truthfulness. If they go to a known questionable news source (like, say, the Daily Mail or Fox News) the whole post is in doubt. If the sources are missing or moved, that proves nothing one way or another.
2) Do a quick scan through responses to see if anyone else (or several someones) have already refuted, and if so, what are the arguments or sources THEY provide for refutation (see point 1 to check on the sources of refutation.)
3) Find the key event or fact the post is promoting and do a quick google search to see what comes up. See point 1 for how to judge the usefulness of the search results. Keep in mind that Google will only return the most relevant results, not the most truthful ones. Depending on the topic, there may or may not be a Snopes entry for more thorough fact-checking.
If after performing 1, 2 and 3, all the sources seem to be in agreement that the thing is true, then I will provisionally gate it through. If after performing these steps I see that there is a refutation, and that the refutation is stronger in evidence than the original post, then I may reblog the refutation for others to see. If I cannot determine whether it is true or false, at that point I usually pass the post by without reblogging, and mentally file it under “this has been said, but I have not seen it proven to my satisfaction that it is true” because to be honest whatever the topic is, it’s rarely immediately relevant enough to my life to go further.
Depression & Reaching Out
I’m seeing a lot on social media this week about encouraging people who suffer from depression to reach out for help, call crisis lines, etc. And all of that’s great, and important!
But let’s also talk about everyone else.
Reaching out goes both ways. And there’s ways to help beyond just pasting suicide hotline numbers all over your online accounts whenever a celebrity takes their life, and making vague statements about how ‘you can always talk to me!’ to no one in particular. A few suggestions, from someone who has been dangerously depressed in the past:
- If you’ve struggled with depression yourself, consider being open about your experiences (if you are comfortable with doing so and will not be endangered financially or in other ways). Open and honest discussions about mental health help to de-stigmatize it, and also allow others to know you’re someone they can talk to who won’t judge them, and who understands a little about what they’re going through.
- On the topic of not judging – avoid complaining about or describing mental health crises as attention-seeking behavior to depressed loved ones, or on platforms where they will see it. Nothing is more likely to make someone choose not to reach out than the fear that their cry for help will be branded as a cry for attention or some egocentric attempt to make drama.
- Calling other people who attempted or successfully committed suicide “selfish” or otherwise condemning them for losing the fight to depression by attributing it to some kind of character flaw falls in this category.
- If you have friends or loved ones who you know struggle with depression, talk to them about it. Don’t make it some big intervention and interrogation – just a casual conversation about an aspect of their life. Learn how their depressive episodes manifest, and what the warning signs are likely to be when they’re having a low swing.
- Once you know how their episodes manifest, keep an eye out for their warning signs and check in with them if you’re seeing red flags.
- Also check in at times when you know they’re under a lot of stress. If they’re going through a major life crisis (loss of a job, loss of a loved one, end of a relationship, massive debt, etc), pay particularly close attention. (A close friend always used to call and check in with me when I had final exams to make sure I was doing okay, because he knew I was always a wreck then.)
- If you otherwise notice a friend or loved one retreating from social interaction, isolating themselves, forgoing activities they usually enjoy, or displaying other indicators of depression – don’t just wait for them to reach out to you. Reach out to them. “Hey, I haven’t heard much from you in a while – how are you doing?” / “Noticed you’ve been quiet. Is everything okay?” / “You seen a little down; do you wanna hang out and talk sometime?“
- Even if nothing’s really wrong, showing that you’re someone who will notice something is off and that you care enough to reach out will make someone more likely to trust that they can actually reach out to you in turn when they need it. It also challenges the depressive belief that ‘no one will miss me or notice that I’m gone.’
- And lastly, when someone does reach out, or when you’ve reached out to them and asked them to tell you how they’re doing – be calm and listen. Don’t freak out. Don’t make it about you, and how worried you are, how scared you are, or how upsetting it is for you. They feel guilty and awful and like a burden enough already. Just listen, really listen, instead of just thinking of what you’ll say once they’re done talking.
It’s great to tell people they can reach out to you in a crisis, but it’s even better to back those words up with actions that support it. It’s good to urge people to reach out, but it’s better to reach out in turn and meet them in the middle somewhere. Depression is an absolute bitch, and we all have to work together to support one another and be proactive when someone is drowning in it.
A few not-as-nice reminders about PRIDE:
- Pedophiles are not LGBT, no adult engaging in a sexual relationship with a minor gets to call themselves LGBT and if you think they do fucking block me and throw yourself into the sun
- TERF rhetoric is toxic and stupid and no one needs your transphobic ass any time of the year, much less the time of year when trans people should be taking pride in their identities (which is also year round)
- It is not, under any circumstances, okay to “out” someone. I don’t care if you think your intentions are good. this can destroy someone’s life. A young person could end up homeless. Or dead.
- POC belong at PRIDE just as much as everyone else (we would not have this without black trans women, show some respect)
- You don’t know if the “apparently straight” couple who you see at PRIDE is composed of two straight people – one could be bisexual, one could be asexual, both could be, I mean, like, don’t be that person
- Or they could be there to support someone who might’ve otherwise been alone, like, just, don’t be that person who polices sexualities and shit okay
- Bisexuality, pansexuality, and polysexuality all exist and deserve to be respected
- seriously it’s completely possible to be attracted to two or more genders or be attracted regardless of gender and our identities don’t hurt anyone
- Just because you are LGBTQIA+ doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of being an asshole, and if you use “I’m gay!” as an excuse you need to grow up (this applies year round)
- Asexuals and aromantics belong at PRIDE just as much as any other LGBTQIA+ individual, I really don’t care how many letters are in the “alphabet soup”, you have a valid identity
- polyamory is when three or more people engage in a consensual relationship, not when one person is with someone else behind their partner’s back
- polyamory is not superior to monogamy or vice versa
- buying PRIDE gear for your sexuality/gender doesn’t mean you’re selling out or giving into capitalism, if it makes you happy do it and don’t let people shame you for it
- and honestly like isn’t it good for it to be normalized? I am all for Target having a PRIDE section, that’s amazing
- Not everyone is okay with using the word or calling themselves “queer”, if they’re not okay with it don’t call them that
- bisexuality is not transphobic and pansexuality is not biphobic
- stay safe at PRIDE – don’t accept open drinks from strangers, ever, no matter what, people can be awful anywhere you go, just stay safe
- you don’t have to come out just because it’s PRIDE month, if it isn’t safe for you (i.e. you’ll be on the streets, homeless, etc) don’t pressure yourself
- that’s all I have, I’m sure there’s probably more
“You are not just here to fill space or be a background character in someone else’s movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.”
— David Niven
make me choose:angel
or pacey wittern(requested by anon)All I wanna do is help. I wanna help because, I don’t think people
should suffer as they do. Because, if there’s no bigger meaning, then
the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.
quick queer rant
im really tired of people within the LGBTQ+ community pointing fingers at each other and saying “you don’t really belong because you benefit from [insert type of privilege here]”
a cishet asexual still suffers from marginalization. their sexuality has been pathologized as a mental illness right along with gayness and transness. in a hypersexual heternormative culture where we’re told we must enjoy sex and we must be in relationships, an asexual person is made to feel as if they’re broken, as if they don’t exist, as if forcing sex and intimacy on them is a corrective measure to “fix them”
a straight trans woman still suffers from marginalization. being able to “pass” as a woman while also being in a relationship with a man does not negate the fact that trans people face the most violence out of anyone in the queer community, must face a society that enforces a standard of womanhood that may not necessarily apply to them, and must navigate a political climate that seeks to banish them from public spaces and paint them as criminals
a bisexual man in a relationships with a woman still suffers from marginalization. compulsory heterosexuality not only erases this identity but enforces this idea that bisexuality is a phase or a kink that can soon be grown out of. bisexuality is the largest subset of the LGBTQ+ community yet has the least amount of representation and leaves bi people more likely to have mental illnesses. being constantly recloseted when you date different genders has psychological and emotional consequences
individuals in a polyamorous relationship still suffer from marginalization. they exist in a society that hails monogamy as the only acceptable relationship model and attempts to make polyamorous individuals feel as if their relationships are abnormal, deviant, and inappropriate for children. they are treated as the example of what not to do, seeing as how society fails to acknowledge the breadth of relationship models that don’t necessarily have to include just two people.
examples like these can go on and on and on and on
these critiques also exist without the context of race, ethnicity, immigration status, ability, and/or religion. we’re so focused on worrying about whether certain queer identities even belong in the LGBTQ+ umbrella yet fail to see how whiteness, Christianity, citizenship laws, access to disability services, etc. further compound on the experiences of those who are told by a cishet world that we are abnormal.
and that’s what it comes down to: there is a formula for privilege in our society, and part of that formula involves being straight, being cis, wanting to marry, desiring sex, and believing in only two genders. queerness was always meant to represent those who live in opposition of those formulas, in opposition of systems that enforce and perpetuate those formulas.
our job is not to gatekeep our community because that is childish and unproductive. our job is to understand the systems that oppress us, figure out how to navigate/change these systems, and advocate for all people who fall victim to the violence and oppression that these systems were created to enforce.
we don’t do that by telling people that they don’t belong in our communities bc “they’re not as oppressed as we are.” this isn’t the oppression olympics. this is a time to fight, to love, and to advocate.
I'm a defeatist but I don't have to be 