- They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
- The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
- The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
- “How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
- They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
- The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
- “You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
- The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
- “This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
- We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
- “We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
- The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
- “How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
- Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
- The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
- “Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
i would pay to read a book of a collection of modern horror stories
They’re trapped in a haunted cabin one of them inherited from a Weird UncleTM. Mysterious figures, things going flying, screams and drumbeats and chanting, blood pouring down the walls, the whole bit. They pull out the Ouija Board.
“BRO, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?”
S…A…C…R…E…D…L…A…N…D
“Oh.”
“Oh geez. Oh no. This is Native American land. Oh goodness I am SO sorry.”
“Um so, like I inherited this property and a couple acres, can I like…donate it?”
W…H…A…T
“Yeah man like, what tribe are you? I don’t want to live here, this cabin is grody and Uncle Tim was a fuckin’ weirdo. It’s your guys’ land, just like, what tribe?”
C..H…U…M…A…S…H
“Cool. Uh, I guess we’ll…call them…in the morning?”
T…H…A…N…K…Y…O…U
GOODBYE“Oh. Well fuck, like, that was easy.”
I was all set to dislike this when I saw the title, thinking it was gonna be another bashing of my generation post… then boom! Talk about saving the day!
I need all of this…
Tag: YES.
full offense but the mcelroys encapsulate modern nerd culture a million times better than the big bang theory ever could.
Counterargument: The McElroys do not embody the sexism, racism, and other forms of bigotry often found in “Nerd Culture” anywhere near as (unintentionally) effectively as TBBT.
Counter-counter argument: the McElroys embody true nerd culture while BBT emvbys fake geek culture. You know the kind that thinks deadpool is straight.
I was so foolish. Now I have seen the light. I am now clear minded.
He’s here. Get used to it.
(For @gaslightgallows, thanks to this post)
and-a-pidgey-in-a-wepear-tree:
twitter canceled
It becomes a pattern in the aftermath.
Bruce has set up a makeshift lab in Wakanda, while the world takes stock of their dead and Wakanda mourns for their king. Bruce isn’t doing anything important, but he needs to do something, so he studies Wakanda’s vibranium supply and attempts to keep Shuri busy.
Otherwise, the grief might just be too much for the both of them to bear.
Bruce also tries very hard not to think about Tony and what form of matter Tony may or may not be at this very moment. He’s only moderately successful.
It’s on the third day of the second week after half of the world has turned to ash that Thor brings Bruce a little green snake. Bruce is baffled, but he tried to be polite about it. Bruce is heartsick, though, so that makes everything a little harder.
Then Thor asks for Bruce to see if the snake is Loki, and it takes every bit of willpower Bruce Banner poses to not burst into tears. Thor is so strong and so keen to smile, he makes it so easy for everyone to forget that he has lost nearly everything.
Bruce pokes at the snake without any further complaints. When nothing happens, the grief on Thor’s face is unimaginable.
Bruce begins spending time with both Thor and Shuri, in a desperate attempt to combat his own grief by combatting theirs.
All the while, every second or third day, Thor brings Bruce a small green animal and asks Bruce to see if it his lost brother. Bruce checks every time, with care and precision, but the result is always negative. It’s awful for both of them, but Thor can’t seem to stop and Bruce doesn’t know how to make him.
This pattern holds for a few weeks, until Thor brings Bruce a beaten and battered lizard. It’d been burned somehow and it looked like one of its limbs had been badly broken. When Thor presents it to him, Bruce honestly isn’t sure if Thor had just brought the little thing to Bruce to see if it could be saved.
“Could you check?” Thor asks, the question quiet and hurt after so many weeks of negative results from Bruce’s prodding and poking.
“Of course,” Bruce says softly, adding his portion of the call and response.
He gingerly picks up the lizard, as the poor also looks like he’d been through the wringer, and gives him a quick once over. Bruce’d been right about the broken leg and the burns were pretty –
The lizard fucking turns into Loki. A damaged, burnt Loki who scuttles backward on a broken leg while spitting blood.
Thor bursts into tears. Bruce bursts out laughing. Everyone has their own way of processing grief and shock and grief turned into shock, apparently.
It’s later, when they’ve gotten Loki a little patched up, convinced Okoye not to kill Loki (”He tried to destroy the world!” she says – “He’s gotten better,” Bruce says), and Thor’s eyes were mostly dry, that Loki finally says through clenched, bloodied teeth:
“They’re in a pocket dimension.”
“Who?” Bruce whispers, stunned.
“Everyone. I told him he’d never be a god. He was just a warlord playing at being something powerful. He should’ve fucking listened.”
JUST THIS ONCE, ROSE, EVERYBODY LIVES
OILSPILL
Wuhh this morning’s quick warmup with the Final Pam, a powerful eldritch being
Person: Who’s your favourite Superhero?
Me: It’s Loki.
Person: But he isn’t-
Me: LOKI.
veliseraptor replied to your post : 😦 please don’t kill thor. not even temporarily….
if we MUST kill people I will accept temporary death but I would really prefer them to defeat thanos in the first half hour and then have a nice night playing board games
agreeed 😦 i would watch the shit out of some board game drama XD especially over seeing anyone’s dead body, even if we do find out it’s temporary before 2019
And here come the game night headcanons, feel free to add your own…
– Shuri winning at every game ever.
– Peter and Shuri being friends with Groot and finally getting him off his communicator much to Quil’s delight, but he doesn’t say anything about it.
– Gamora and Natasha teaming up during strategy games to destroy everyone before dunking it out between themselves.
– Loki not wanting to play charades so instead he casts scary as f illusions that freak everyone out but make Thor roar with laughter.
– Wanda after quietly asking Loki how he did that and Loki being happy someone asked him a technical magic question.
– Loki cheating at everything and then getting continually frustrated that Shuri keeps winning anyway.
– Nebula kills a sofa at one point. She’s not a good loser.
– T’Challa and Shuri exchanging looks whenever Gamora/Nebula or Thor/Loki get into it.
– Drax just being utterly delighted by everything and Tony being super amused by his comments. Sam has to physically turn away and stifle his laughter all the time but totally loves the guy.
– Nebula and Loki going off to do their own game with their own rules that’s probably not totally safe or legal but hey at least they’re having fun.
– Loki being absolutely ruthless against the others and but god help the person who gives Thor a Draw 4 in UNO.
– Rhodes only referring to Tony as “Stank” the entire game. Pepper and Maria encourage this.
– Steve being a good sport and not really caring if he wins or loses cause he and Bucky are happy.
-Bucky and Rocket bonding over their skills at poker, or namely how Natasha destroys both of them at it.
– Wanda still not feeling totally with the team and Clint and Steve making sure she’s always included.
– Clint and Loki can’t play any game together. Still too many emotions there. And arrows.
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
i imagine bucky will come to think of shuri like the little sister he never had and be very protective of her
but shuri?
“t’challa, this sad white man is my new brother because you’re annoying me today”
“Brother, if you don’t let me go to Coachella, I’ll make better armor for the broken white boy”
I'm a defeatist but I don't have to be 