I'm a defeatist but I don't have to be

looks like it’s another one of those “I want to chop off literally all of my hair and one of these days I might just fuckin do it” days/weeks

today’s adventure, if by “adventure” I mean “any deviation from routine, often in an obnoxious way,” which I do: Sunday morning I got a text and email reminder from Anchorage Chrysler about an unspecified appointment at 7:45 Monday morning. I did not remember making this appointment, and the service department is closed Sunday so I had to leave a voicemail and hope somebody called back right around 7 when they opened. nobody did, so after getting up half an hour early (and, more importantly, waking up at 4 and probably not getting back to sleep), I hauled myself all the way downtown figuring Past Me had made an oil change appointment before the maintenance plan expired and forgot to write it down.

turns out I don’t remember making the appointment because I didn’t make the appointment. some kind of computer glitch was sending out last-minute reminders for appointments that didn’t exist. the guy I talked to said he was about to call me but it was after my appointment time by then so that really wouldn’t have helped anyway.

anyway now I’m hungry and exhausted and I need to do a whole bunch of things today, actual work things and otherwise, but first I need so much caffeine

thelightofthingshopedfor:

man, having a non-functioning computer sure puts a cramp in your ability to do like…anything

I mean, I did some stuff this weekend, I found a computer for my mom and a video card for myself, and I wrote and mailed 15 letters to Georgia voters, but I was also planning to do a bunch of other things, like listing some new stuff on Etsy and TYPING UP MY OLD NOTEBOOK

but instead I spent a bunch of time troubleshooting and, so far, getting almost nowhere, and now I have two Etsy orders I should really mail within a week or two, which coincidentally happens to be the last few days of November and obviously I have not posted a fic for the month. which is probably a dumb thing to stress about! but there’s all this stuff I theoretically want to write until I actually sit down to do it (mostly excuses for more Loki whump, tbh), and then there are several fics that I think should be fairly easy to finish except I don’t have everything in one place so I don’t actually know what still needs to happen and also I’m probably being overly optimistic about how long it might take.

but like. there are so many things on my WIP list that should be fairly short! except then I think about them in slightly more detail and either what I have is a mess requiring a shitload of editing/stitching, or I need to write setup that always ends up being more complicated than it should, or two characters need to have An Important Conversation that also takes longer to write than it should, or some combination of the above. such as

• the extra fic for Maximoff Fic Exchange, a post-IW thing where Loki and Wanda bond a little over similar trauma
• the one where they both survive but then Thor gets dusted
• Loki whump on Sakaar
• kind of similar, from a post by @theotherodinson before Ragnarok even came out, where Loki ends up on Sakaar with amnesia and is given to Thor as a prize
• the epilogue for “kindness of strangers” hahaha fml
• more chapters in “going down to nowhere” because it’s LITERALLY ALREADY WRITTEN but it needs…so much editing. so, so much editing.
• Loki, before and during Ragnarok, trying to deal with his fear of falling (well, I haven’t written much of that but it should be fairly short and simple, for anyone else)
• virtually plotless post-Ragnarok Loki whump that should’ve been finished aaaaages ago but I kind of…got stuck on plot
• a Thor POV follow-up to “I am a time bomb ticking away the hours to blow your world apart”
• ditto except a Loki POV, which again should be VERY EASY because it’s largely an excuse for whump and angst, and yet
• the fucking Hydra Cap Part 2 fic
• I had at least one Whumptober idea I wanted to do and you would think I could make that short but my brain instantly has to make it more complicated

why do I always manage to make things difficult, and also why do I write so slow, “I will kiss you till your breath is found” was about 7,000 words and I feel like writing it took me f o r e v e r

I’m tempted to ask for short prompts in hopes I’ll get something that I actually manage to do in a reasonable length but, well, the list above probably shows that I’m bad about that

would also take audience recommendations for which thing off this list I should focus on