have 8 million things to do very soon and I can tell that I’m riiiiiight on the edge of a depression spiral (which is itself at least partly caused by being overwhelmed, dealing with it poorly and becoming more overwhelmed, and hating myself for dealing with it poorly) which is SUPER GREAT TIMING. so obviously I’m making a list, because sometimes that helps.
things I absolutely must do this weekend:
- finish the hair repaint on my current Etsy order so I can mail it Monday or earlier
- do anything I might need to do for the other outstanding order that the customer also wants in time for Christmas somehow, so that when the parts arrive on MONDAY I can put the thing together and mail it almost immediately (damn well better show up on Monday, which is itself irritating because the site said free 2-day shipping but nobody really means that when they ship to Alaska)
- wrap and prepare any gifts I want to mail out because I should also send those no later than Monday, and in fact earlier would have been better, but for some reason every year I’m like “eh, it’s fine, there’s time” right up until there suddenly isn’t
- do…whatever I still need to do with Tumblr. import to WordPress, back up the whole thing to my computer with one of several methods I’ve reblogged, try to find specific posts I want to save (original posts and anything tagged “fic ideas” will be tedious but at least easy to find; no idea about other stuff)
- semi-related: add something to my Dreamwidth profile so it’s not…blank
haul some more stuff to Value Village and other donation sites, because I’m about to pick up a bunch of shit that will take up too much space in my car (somewhat related: books, music, movies, and toys are 40% off today and tomorrow, which is unusual for them)- set up the damn tree, like even if we don’t put ornaments on it I’d at least like to have the tree up (requires digging it out of the garage, which is a disaster and very much not my disaster)
- do something with my dad and sister for my birthday (but first, figure out what and when, and like…I don’t have the mental energy for that)
try to get more birthday donations for SPLC (I went with Trevor Project last year and got several donations without doing much to promote it, so I don’t know if this one’s getting a lot less because it seems more political, or algorithms are hiding this and a lot of my other posts, or a lot of people have deliberately snoozed me because of my political posts, or…something else, idk)- transfer stuff into my new planner, because my current one is close enough to the end that it’s not very useful anymore
other things that don’t necessarily have to happen this weekend but should happen in the really near future, both because they need to get done and because they’re contributing to my overall mental load that means everything is overwhelming:
- figure out how to send in the claim for my car accident last year to my life-insurance-and-a-few-other-things company, because it’s worth $50 (should probably also see if I can get something similar for the earthquake, because I think it did fuck up my neck a little more, and $50 is $50 when I’m paying them that much each month)
- list other things on Etsy…now that it’s too late to take advantage of holiday sales 😖
- sign up for actual training with Hazy
also, bug the rescue group again about recent vet info to figure out whether she has any pre-existing conditions and when she needs a checkup (maybe soon, because she seems to scratch herself a LOT and sometimes she gets kind of wheezy)- also also, try to figure out ways to work on her separation anxiety and general hyperness, which I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO because it’s all a gradual process that I don’t really have time for, and I have yet to find a smart/puzzle toy or a good chew toy that really seems to occupy her attention so I guess I still need to try more, and apparently mental stimulation through training can be good for anxiety and hyperactivity both so I should really be working on extremely basic commands on my own probably??
- shit that’s right I also need to figure out if I want to get her on VCA Care Club and do research for pet insurance that might be better than the one we had for Scully
- get myself back into a better Planet Fitness habit, because I didn’t go at all this week and I’ve definitely dropped off in the last few weeks, which is partly because I’ve been busy with other things INCLUDING THE GIANT EARTHQUAKE but partly because the main reason I was good about it before was that I literally tricked myself into wanting to work out so I could listen to The Adventure Zone, and once I caught up on that, nothing else I’ve tried (MBMBAM, occasional TAZ updates, Night Vale) has quite filled the gap of “hilarious goofs + suspenseful long-form narrative” that makes me actually want to work out, so…either I need to figure out how make myself go without that motivation (mixed success so far or I wouldn’t be talking about it or feeling guilty about it) or find another podcast I want to binge. and try to figure out if there’s any point to asking them to stop playing so many news channels (especially Fox two or three times and fucking OAN once) at the TV bank for the cardio machines, because that is…honestly another thing that makes me not want to go
- related: somehow find a way to make myself do my core exercises regularly, because slacking on those and slacking on Planet Fitness is probably part of the reason my headaches and neck and general constant exhaustion have maybe been worse lately, AND ALSO start regularly doing the exercises that are supposed to help with my newish hand/wrist pain, all of which sucks because a big ol’ theme here is me having a hard time forming un-fun new long-term habits (exercise, going to bed earlier) that are crucial for improving basically every part of my life and not worsening the health problems i already have
- TYPE UP MY DAMN NOTEBOOKS and organize everything so I actually know how much I have in my current WIPs; now that my computer is back there’s no excuse for not doing this
- also like…write. in general. now that I have a Christmas-related idea I’d kinda like to do and I also want to do a Yuletide treat, and maybe Avengers: Endgame isn’t really a deadline for lots of other fics but also it kind of is
- actually organize my backups so they’re not a disaster and it’s not a crisis next time I have computer problems (plus like, I’m going to need everything backed up when I upgrade)
- research and buy a CPU, motherboard, SSD, and maybe new PSU, ideally without spending a horrendous amount of money
- make more progress in SWTOR because there’s no guarantee how long it’s going to be around and tbh it’s ridiculous I haven’t finished all the class storylines despite having been a subscriber for like. SEVEN YEARS
- unfuck my iTunes library YET AGAIN
- find a therapist, because I’ve probably been needing one for a while but a huge theme in all of this is being overwhelmed because I have too much to do and don’t know how to deal with it, and then getting into guilt and self-loathing because I dealt with it badly and it got worse, and I’m increasingly sure it’s my not-really-diagnosed-or-treated ADHD starting this old, old cycle to begin with and that means it’s even more important to find a therapist who will actually. do stuff. with the ADHD. instead of just kinda…dropping it.
- slight problem though, adding yet another regular appointment means less time for…everything else and that doesn’t exactly help with being overwhelmed, so it’s like…a disincentive to pursue it
the only thing I really want to do:
- sleep for about a year

























